Boy am I late to the party, eh? Most of my goals are art related. Figures.

-switch majors to art (parents are okay with this, seeing advisor soon)
-get an airbrush
-get better at digital stuff
-stop making up excuses to not go to the Friday Figure Drawing meets
-paint more (learn oils)
-do lots of wildlife art. Real honest to god wildlife, not furries.
-make a costume
-do something with that box of sculpey
-do some linocut prints
-knit more


LESS LIKELY BUT STILL ON THE LIST
-go to an out of state con
-find TRUE LUUUUUURRRRVEEEE, or go on a date at the very least
-do some sit ups
-get a part time job
-have something resembling a sleep schedule

I need to stop procrastinating and get this out there. I'll probably end up ruining a couple friendships, and at the same time just solidify some things that other people have probably been wondering about. First and foremost...

This was something that kept bringing itself up whenever this person posted, or whenever I got to see this person, which was rare occasions. I loved to hear from her, and I loved being around her. I think it all started at Wasabi last year, with all the shit that was going down on her, and then everyone from the Anime Clue blaiming her. Yeah, I stick up for my friends, but that was a bit bigger of a degree than I normally would have done. After that, whenever I saw her, which was very rarely, I would wrack my brain for ways to make her happy since she always seemed, at the least, a little depressed. It drove me a little crazy that I couldn't cheer her up. Rachel, It's time I get it out there. I like you, I have for some time. I really think you are something amazing, and I really am trying to be happy for you that someone has finally managed to make you smile simply by being there.

Jordan, no matter what you say, or try to get other people to say, you'll more than likely never be able to change my view on myself. There is only two people that call me flattering names that I don't give them a hard time about. One is gay and has called me "sexy" since high school as a greeting. He did called a lot of people this. The other is someone who lives in Indiana and has called me "beautiful" and "gorgous" as a greeting since high school as well. His goes deeper than just a greeting, but that in itself is another story. If I am as amazing as you say I am, then people wouldn't always be leaving me. And don't go saying "because they weren't good enough", because a handful of those people were. It's just me who is wrong, always was, always will be.

Everyone, I am bi-gender. It is why I am so comfortable as a girl or a boy. I believe there is another side of me that is a male personality. His name is Kyle. He's several years ago, but only a couple years ago got a name when I realized what he was. His personality is quite a bit different than my own. If I seem a little different on occasion when you talk to me, it's probably Kyle, though he knows to usually keep quite and sleep when others that don't know about him are around. It's probably actually help from Kyle that I'm getting around to writing this.

I do not believe that I will be able to be in a relationship honestly with anyone. You should be able to give your love completely to someone if you plan on having a relationship with them, and I know for a fact now that I cannot do that. Because part of me, a big part of me, will still ALWAYS love Ken, despite all the crap he has done to me. So though I might be whiney about being alone, I know I can't be with anyone and give them everything. It's something I'll have to get used to this year.

Gonna see that if I lock myself in my sewing room for the rest of tonight, if maybe, MAYBE, i can get my sai tuxedo done. If not, well at least I tried and I do have a backup dress just in case. The shirt is almost done, just need to take a sleeve up. gotta shorten the front of the jacket and a sleeve, probably not going to bother with the satin on the lapels if I don't have the time, and do the tail. if i can get that done, i will be stoked.

Christmas was excellent.
Mom got pasties again. Delicious as always.
I made chai mix. It keeps getting better every time I try it. Also made tofu eggs. Rosie does that way better than I.

( Haul under here, I won't subject you to it against your will. Also music ramblings. )

Still need to go out and see my friends this week. Really really need to do that. I'm here until the 12th at the latest. I'd feel very guilty if I didn't see anyone by then. Jeez. I'd host a Rocky Horror Night (got it on DVD finally), but this isn't "my" house anymore. Perhaps lots of coffee trips. Yes.